Questions and Focus

In the previous article, we looked at how to tap into the power of physiology to change the way we feel in the present moment. We learned that posture, breath, and facial expression were closely related to our emotional sate. Physiology is both an indicator of our current state and a predictor of our future state.

This article will explore two more tools that work with physiology to help you spend more of your time living in supportive emotional states. You will learn how focus and questions affect your state. You will also learn how to use all three tools to support the emotional states you want to experience more every day.

Every second, our senses take in an enormous amount of information. The are the sounds of traffic, animals, appliances, construction, and our fellow passengers on Spaceship Earth. We feel temperature, humidity, thirst, the last meal we ate, our heartbeat, and the rumble of heavy machinery nearby. Our eyes are alert for motion, color, contrast, familiarity, and novelty. We smell moisture in the air, food, people, animals, smoke, and exhaust from machines. We taste the meal we are eating, the meal we are digesting, and the inside of our mouth.

All of this information is coming to us and being processed by our powerful brain. Most of it is unnoticed by us consciously. The things we do notice are based on our current filters. Some of those filters are part of our DNA, such as those that alert us to physical danger. Other filters are based on conscious and unconscious learning. For example, the sound of the dog scratching at the door reminds you to the dog is outside and needs to come in. Many of our filters are situational. The smell of wood smoke around a campfire may become familiar and go unnoticed after a while. The smell of wood smoke in your home may shove everything else you were thinking about into the background.

The combination of all your filters in a given moment is your focus. Whatever has your focus essentially becomes a part of your reality. The things that do not have your focus fade into the background or are edited out of your reality at the moment. From all of the information being collected in any moment, the reality you experience is carefully constructed and curated by your focus. Since most of this is happening subconsciously as part of the way the brain works, how is this useful to us? How is this process a tool rather than something happening to us?

Think of your filters as meshes of thoughts and beliefs. The reality you experience is the information your filters allow into your awareness. If you want to change your experience, you need to shift your focus. As soon as you shift your focus, you will have new experiences. One way to shift your focus is to make a habit of thinking about things in an intentional manner. If you think about things differently, over time your filters and your focus will change.

I like to make a short list of ideas or beliefs that support an emotional state I wish to experience. That might include an affirmation, a short phrase that evokes the emotion, or a word that reminds me to hold my body a particular way. For example, if I want to feel happier, my list might include the word "smile", the phrase "happy contribution", and the affirmation "I enjoy my life as much as possible today". Notice how working with focus reinforces physiology in this example through reminding myself to smile. Using them together makes them more powerful, as we will see in a moment.

If you make a habit of reading through your list on a regular basis, you will add them to your filters and beliefs. You will shift your focus. Then you will experience more of the emotional state you desire. At the same time, you will subtly yet reliably weaken any habitual habits you have linked to unwanted emotional states. By holding your attention on what you want, you control you focus. Your focus alters your experience and your emotional state.

The last tool we will discuss today is using questions to support your focus and your physiology. Questions are as interesting as they are powerful. They allow us to distance ourselves from our present emotional state in order to construct the answers to our questions. A properly structured question can contain an idea that almost effortlessly helps us shift our focus. What would it be like if you could be in a situation where you were at your worst, and you could shift to a neutral state almost instantly? Can you imagine being able to address almost any situation from a state of calm clarity? Give yourself a moment to contemplate that.

Did you do it? Did you give yourself some time to explore what it would be like to be able to respond to your environment from an emotional state that let you access all the information and skill you have developed over your life? If so, you already had an idea how powerful questions can be. In a few minutes, they can have you thinking about being in a positive state. Those thoughts serve the same purpose as your focus list. They both bring your focus to an improved emotional state.

One of the questions my coach suggested was, "What is great about this?" The next time I was unhappy about work, I wondered what was great about this. At first, nothing seemed great about work. So I asked a less direct version of the question. What could be great about work if I was at a similar job? I suppose it would be great that I had a job. I suppose I would work with great people there, too; I've always worked with great people. It would be great that I was paid on a regular basis so I could make long term plans. Once I felt slightly better, I would ask if those things were great bout my current job, even if the job wasn't great. It was a little bit of work, but it made a difference.

This question turned out not to be the best tool for me. I would get frustrated with the process, because I was too far from feeling great most of the time. I had the most success when I took time to use all three tools together in something my coach called a triad. You can try this yourself. It will take you less then ten minutes.

Draw a triangle that points upward. In the middle of your triangle, write one or two words that describe the emotional state you want to experience. Do you want to feel more excitement, happiness, confidence? Write that in the center of your triangle. I will use confidence for the remainder of the demonstration.

Now, think about what it would be like if you were in that emotional state right now. How would a confident person hold their body? Would their spine be erect or hunched? Would their posture be open or closed? Would their breath be deep and slow or shallow and fast? Would they make eye contact or avoid eye contact? Might they offer a warm smile? Write a short description to the right of your triangle.

Take a moment to re-center yourself in the emotional state you have chosen. What would confident people say to themselves? Might they say something such as "I am confident" or "I am capable" or "I can do this"? What phrases might they respond with if asked to do something they had never tried before? Would they respond with "No problem" or "That sounds interesting" or "I can hardly wait to try"? Make a note of your responses on the left side of your triangle.

Just as questions affect our state, our state affects the questions we ask. What kinds of questions would a confident person ask? "How can I be even better at this today?" "How can I learn from this?" "How could I use my skills to serve today?" Put two or three questions below the base of your triangle.

Now you have a triad for an emotional state you would like to experience more often. Tomorrow morning, read through the physiology you recorded. Hold your body in that way as much as possible. How does that change your state and your experience? While you are holding your body in its new physiology, read through your focus statements in a tone of voice that someone with that emotional state would use. Finally, as you allow the physiology and focus of your emotional state sink deeply into your body, ask your questions. Pause between them to let the answers surface. How does it feel to be someone who is becoming a master of their emotional state?